My Terror on Two Feet

Friday, 02 June, 2006 15.10.20 PM
Terror on Two Feet My Life as Domestic Engineer
After reading Stephanie Blake's Blog today, it inspired me to Blog about what I do in my role of stay at home dad and made me covet the days when I got reviewed and pay raises while at work. OK! Not really, I wouldn't trade my life for anything most days. There are a few days mixed in though...
My day starts before six so I can get some cardio and weight lifting in before my Terror on Two Feet wakes up to raise hell for the day. Monday, Wednesday and Friday's are the best, after getting my Terror on Two Feet to preschool for a a day; I get 4-5 treasured hours for me. During this time I get to do fun things such as cleaning WMD of the kitchen floor and try to make it shine, mowing and trimming the lawn, garden work and such. Twice a year, and today happened to be one of those days, I get to go get my teeth cleaned in Parker toddler free, and know what? The topic of conversation is yes, you've got it, my kid!
Back home at 10:30, did my e mail and Bloggings and hand water the dry spots of lawn till 11:30.
At 11:45 I go get my Terror on Two Feet at noon so I can get a barrage of reasons why he needs a new truck to play with or reasons why he needs to go to such and such stores or Chick-filet on the drive up the hill, every school day this happens. Then we can get home and go swing and slide at the playground while doing battle with the Serengeti Attack Ant and watch dreaded hail storms, I also yearn for clouds producing thunder most days to cool us off and have a valid reason for not being at the park, or I smear sun screen to fight of the damaging UV affects the sun leashes upon us while doing the playground. We ride our two wheeler while wearing a helmet and training wheels to and from the park, and every Thursday being trash day, we get to slalom a course of trash containers to negotiate. We are the swing crew for a good couple of hours if no thunder or hail graces us.
It is usually two or three in the afternoon after he peddles and I jog to keep up, it's time for a Popsicle, soda pop or whatever he conjures up at the time, so to keep the spirits happy he gets something, but not a nap. He says naps are for babies and he is a big boy, I yearn for a nap and some days it's a shouting contest to get him to take one, and I usually win! If no nap happens by his or my doing we go outside to play, and by 7 PM if not before, he is a ogre. After I feed my Terror on Two Feet some dinner to his liking or he will not eat, he eats a select menu of 4 or 5 things, then wants to go outside and play with the neighbor kids; only they are all in for the night and I hear a "but I don't want them to go to bed" from my Terror on Two Feet as he stomps off to his bike. I coral the Terror on Two Feet then it's a bath with aroma therapy suited to make him relax, there is one thing wrong with this, the therapy seems to relax me! After we battle to drain the tub, a battle ensues for which pajamas are worn, at which time all drowsiness effects for me are gone. Then it's off to bed at 8PM, 9 for a non-school night or if an unlikely nap occurs.
Lucky for us, sleeps happens right away; most night's dad or mom (if she is in town) has to sleep with my Terror on Two Feet until he's out, for the most part 8:15 to 8:30. It's then that I am able to crack one or two cold ones, a sip a scotch as I wind down and rest up to do it all over again tomorrow.
Lucky for me it's all mom on the weekends, a little overwhelming for mom, and that agrees with me fine.
Really, don't get me wrong, I love my my Terror on Two Feet and the responsibility of taking care of him and wouldn't trade it for the world. When the other dads on the block are outside "talking shop" and it's my turn, eyes roll and the comments begin. Comments like "Must be rough" or "I wish I had it easy like you" or "You got it made", they will never fully appreciate the thrash their wife goes through each and every day and probably couldn't hack it for two days in a row without help.
Moms of the world, My Hat goes Off to All You Do! Dad's of the world, take it easy... -Mike www.milehidad.com